I had a sprained knee. And a sprained ankle. And I’d done something to my foot. And then while trying to move about without putting pressure on those, I did the other foot in. So last week was spent in a land of pain, where a trip to the bathroom was a trip of a thousand miles (it’s all about that first step, people) and not wishing for something a bit stronger in those blister packs.

Note to self: next time phone a damn ambulance.